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Author Topic: Nobody Special  (Read 34985 times)
Destiny062
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« on: February 21, 2009, 08:27 AM »

hey everyone, am pretty new on this message board, but have read quite a few fan fics and they are really good. so i thought i'd try writing one of my own.

Chapter 1.
[/b]

have you ever been told you are special? i haven't, and you wanna know why? it's because i'm not. i'm just an ordinary person living an ordinary life, and am barely even noticed. i get taken for granted, and even though i hate it, i can't change it. and i'm not strong enough to leave. that may make me sound pathetic, but guess what i'm used to it. i'm used to people ignoring me, looking right through me as if i don't exist.

all i ever wanted to do was be somebody you know. someone people took notice of, someone people actually cared about. but that will never happen, maybe to somebody else but not to me. too much has happened to make a difference now.

have you ever been told you are special? if you have then consider yourself one of the luckiest people in the world. and take it from me, don't ever take it for granted.


TBC? only if you want...
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 08:40 PM by Destiny062 » Logged

"CSI, is a really great distraction from the sometimes harshness of reality!"- Jo
Billyjorja
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« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2009, 08:38 AM »

Yes, more ff's to read.  Look forward to reading it when you post.

Trish
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Trish
Destiny062
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« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2009, 09:55 AM »

if you have ever been told by someone that you are special, don't ever take it for granted. i would give anything and everything to hear someone say those words about me, but i know that will never happen. so i'm moving on. moving on with the ordinary life that is mine. the one thing that i guess i have some control over, that no-one can take away.

throughout my life i was told i was nothing, that i wasn't important. and then one day, one very ordinary day all that changed. a teacher who i came to regard as a friend spoke to me, and made me believe in myself again, even if it was only a little bit. she was the one person who truly believed in me, and encouraged me to be whatever i wanted to be, and if i worked hard enough all my dreams could come true. i didn't believe her at first, but over time i slowly came to believe it more, a little more each day.

i guess when something happens, something bad you start believing that nothing matters anymore, and that you don't matter. in reality you probably couldn't be further from the truth. but whether it makes sense or not that's how i felt not so long ago, and i guess on some level that's still how i feel sometimes.

something happened to me a few years ago, that made me stop believing in myself, made me stop believing that i was special and that i meant something, simply because i felt that i was being taken for granted, and no matter what i did nothing was ever good enough, and nothing was ever going to be good enough for them.

it was at this point in my life, that a teacher gave me something to believe in, and she told me that i was special and unique and that i did mean something. that nothing anybody else said should knock me down, and that i could talk to her anytime. it gave me a bit of confidence to know that there would alway be somebody to talk to, someone who would always be on my side no matter what, and someone i could always rely on no matter the time of day or night.

her name was Sara.


TBC? only if you want... Smiley
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 08:42 PM by Destiny062 » Logged

"CSI, is a really great distraction from the sometimes harshness of reality!"- Jo
GSRLOVER34
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« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2009, 02:23 PM »

Great start, keep going!
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aingeal1
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« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2009, 02:43 PM »


I like it, keep it up
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Butterfly114
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« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2009, 03:59 PM »

I Like it too, please continue.
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Billyjorja
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« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2009, 05:06 AM »

Yes we want you to keep going.

Trish
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Trish
Destiny062
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« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2009, 09:17 AM »

Chapter 2.

i don't really know how it started, or how my self doubt started to go away, but with Sara's help somehow it did. if it hadn't been for her at that point in time, i honestly don't know what would have happened to me. for all i knew i was heading down a road of self-destruction and the end of it was getting closer and closer, and i could have ended up lying in a ditch somewhere, a person without a name, a soul trapped for eternity in limbo, in the unknown world between reality and god knows what.

but that was about four months ago. thanks to Sara i'm a completely different person now, actually that's a big lie. i'm still the same person i always was, just with a bit more self belief and the confidence to stand up for myself when i'm being taken for granted.

3 months later...
i finally had enough money saved to buy my own place, it's small, but it's mine, and no-one can take it from me. the best bit, i'm quite far away from the family that took me for granted. i know that sounds harsh and mean, but its the way i feel. and to tell you the truth i've never felt better or freeer. it's quite refreshing to know that i don't have to do anything i dont want to, or be bossed around. i've even changed my cell phone number, so i can't get called back.

you see the thing i realised is, especially after talking it through with Sara, the only way i could make a clean break and start my life over was if i completely cut them out of my life, at least for a while. maybe in a few years i'll go back but only if they've changed. if it means never talking to them again for the rest of my life that's what i have to do, and i'm okay with that. i don't ever want to feel that way ever again, as if i don't matter and i'm not important or special, especially now that i know that i do matter, and that i should never let people put me down, because that's how they win.

i still see Sara from time to time. she never gave up on me, not even once, and even now she still calls or emails to see how i'm doing, and to let me know that she is there for me. i guess in a way she has become my best friend, and a kind of extended family. it's sometimes hard not to call up some family member, but it's not worth the risk, as there is a chance that they will pass information about where i am to my mom and dad, and there is no way that i am going to let that happen. that may sound harsh and unfair, but it's the only way for me. it's the only way that i can get on with my life and leave the past, well, in the past.

i don't have a lot of good things in my life, but so that i wouldn't end up like my parents, i left them a letter before i left in which i told them everything, and not to come looking for me, and that i would be fine on my own, after all i had been on my own for a long time before i even left. that was the last contact i had and will ever have with my family.


TBC... only if you want  Smiley

« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 08:42 PM by Destiny062 » Logged

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GSRLOVER34
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« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2009, 06:12 PM »

Great chapter!
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trishj
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« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2009, 07:30 PM »

Interesting story.  keep up the good work.
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dyneemo
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« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2009, 10:30 PM »

Very compelling.

You write well from a first person point of view and it flows smoothly. Will be waiting for more!
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"OUR FINGERPRINTS CANNOT BE ERASED FROM THE LIVES OF THOSE WE HAVE TOUCHED"-
Billyjorja
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« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2009, 06:46 AM »

As long as you keep asking 'only if you want', I will keep replying 'yes we want'

Trish
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Trish
Destiny062
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« Reply #12 on: February 23, 2009, 07:21 AM »

to all those who have left such lovely comments so far thank you. you are the reason i keep writing.

Chapter 3.
[/b]

you'd have thought i would have felt weird or guilty or something about completely cutting my family out of my life. and to be honest i thought it would have been weird, and i would've felt guilty but i didn't and still don't. does that make me a bad person? i guess it affected me more than i thought it would. so i went to find the one person who would always be there for me, and who supported me no matter what. Sara had given me her cell phone number right from the beginning, so i gave her a call. that phone call was a very long one, and we talked a lot, we talked everything through, or rather i talked and she listened; no interrupting, no parenting, no lecturing, and no making me feel bad. when i had finished my huge vent, she talked to me, and told me that no matter what my decision had been, i would have felt guilty either way, whether i left or whether i stayed. it's weird, i don't know how she does it, but somehow Sara always manages to say exactly the right thing to me, and i wish i could do that, but somehow i don't think i ever will, but who knows maybe in the future things will change, maybe i'll change.

but not everything could be solved over the phone, it's easy to say things to someone else, to say what they think you want to hear when you're not actually talking to them face to face. over the phone you can never tell whether they genuinely mean the things they say, or whether they are just saying things to make you feel better and get you off the phone. it's not that i don't trust Sara, i do, i really do, it's just that i guess there's still a small part of me that doesn't believe that someone could be so friendly when they hardly know you. i guess something in my voice alerted Sara to some insecurity because she invited me to come see her. even though she meant every word sincerely and genuinely, but she knew i had to hear them face to face to truly believe that she meant them.

a few days later...
i drove to Las Vegas PD to meet up with Sara. i was nervous, i don't know why, after all i had known her for a while, and had met up with her to talk a lot, especially during the early days, when i had no self belief, or self confidence, and didn't believe i was special, or that i was important, or that i mattered to anybody. somehow some of those old feelings began to creep into my head again, as i was waiting for Sara, and i felt that everyone in the PD was looknig at me. as i was walking to the front desk, head down, i bumped into someone. i looked up and said i was sorry, expecting a lecture, or for them to have a go at me for not looking where i was going. but he didn't, i guess he realised how scared i looked. he merely accepted my apology, and asked why i was there. i told him my name, and that i was waiting for Sara Sidle. "well Brooke, it's nice to meet you, my name is Jim Brass, i actually work with Sara from time to time. but she'll probably be at the crime lab at this time, i can give you a lift if you want." "it's ok" i said "Sara said she'll meet me here". i then heard a ringing sound coming from my pocket. "excuse me" i said to Jim. "hello?". Sara's voice came through the phone; "hey brooke, listen i'm running a little late, work's really hectic so..." "it's fine i get it, you don't want to see me, i guess i should've known it was too good to be true. don't worry i'm used to it. i'll just go home, and that way you can get on with your life and forget about me. bye." "no brooke..." but it was too late, i had already hung up, and started walking out the PD. i got in my car and started driving towards home.

back at PD...
Jim's phone started to ring, and Sara's name came up on caller ID. "hey Sara, what's up?" "listen Jim, i was meant to meet up with someone at PD in a little bit, but i'm running late, and when i told her she hung up on me and now she's not answering her cell. i know it sounds stupid but i'm worried about her, she doesn't have anyone else." "ah, yeah that would explain the storm out." "she was there?" "yeah, we sort of bumped into each other, literally." "oh no. ok listen Jim, i need you to find her, and bring her here to the lab, i need to talk to her. i'm just tied up with a case right now, but it's really important that i talk to her." "ok, ok, Sara i'm going, she didn't leave too long ago so i can probably catch her." "thanks Jim, i owe you one." they hung up, and Jim left the PD and walked out following the direction that i had taken earlier.

back in the car park...
through my rearview mirror i saw Jim coming out the PD, and immediately put my fot on the gas and drove off towards home as quick as i could. to be honest i'm not sure if he saw me, or even if i was the reason he had left the PD. all i knew was that once again i was on my own, and this time it meant i was truly alone, i had no-one to look out for me, no-one to talk to or turn to. and for the first time in my life i was truly scared, and started to cry. i tried rubbing my tears away, and trying to stop them, there was no way i was going to let what Sara had done get to me, after all it had happened before with other people and i never got upset before, so why should this time be any different? but in my heart i knew it was different. Sara was the first and only person i had trused in my entire life, and she had deserted me. the tears wouldn't stop, so i pulled over, and stopped the car. i knew if i was going to get passed this i had to cut all ties. i got out my cell phone and sent this text to Sara: hey Sara, thank you for everything you've done for me. i just wanted to say sorry for what i said to you earlier, and for hanging up. i get that you don't want to talk to me anymore, and i understand why. you made me believe in myself again, if only for a little while, and i will never forget what you did for me. but i know i can't depend on you forever, so this is it. you can erase me now, erase my numer, erase my name, erase everything about me from your life. you'll be better off. thank you and goodbye. brooke.

after another few minutes, the tears had stopped falling, and once again i was alone and on the road. where before i had one person in my life and in my cell phonebook, i now once again had no-one. i guess i'm used to it, and something told me in my head and in my heart that i would be alone forever.


TBC? if you want...  Smiley
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 08:43 PM by Destiny062 » Logged

"CSI, is a really great distraction from the sometimes harshness of reality!"- Jo
Billyjorja
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« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2009, 06:15 AM »

YES

Trish
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Trish
Butterfly114
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« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2009, 10:59 AM »

Continue please
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